short thoughts

"She pierces the thin flesh on her forearm with a silver knife she polished earlier that day. Ruby blood trickles down her arm which she moves above the crystal-cut flower vase. The blood meets the water and instantaneously clouds into a pink color. Then it morphs darker into red. It Clouds and swirls around in a vase from Bergdorfs, a decoration for the guests.  She quickly dabs her cut and pulls down her silken sleeve to conceal it from the praying eyes that will soon be upon her. ding ding! The doorbell rings, and she doesn't move the vase. Once just a piece of nice crystal, it is now a chamber of darkness and silent struggle. Maybe they will think it is food dye meant to add a creative element to the elegant arrangement of black magic roses."

short thoughts

I end up in a house with a view.

linens with monogramming.

I have trouble breathing at night,

 I don't tell him.

Again I press my knees to my chest

 on the window seat and let salty tears 

splash into my coffee.

Window panes and green stares are

the bars on my cell.

photo credit: simplyphoto

the great Beyond

today I found this incredible image and it brought up so much in my mind on the topics of home, environment and the like.  Sometimes I can get really comfortable in my surroundings. There are days when I don't even want to leave my apartment let alone my bed.  Sometimes I feel like that is okay but most of the time I wish I could be bolder about stepping out into the world. There is so much world out there to be seen and I think we are the only ones stopping ourselves from experiencing it.  This can also be seen on a broader scale by the way in which we view the world in a global context versus a cultural mindset.  I want to start allowing my mind and my being to go to other places, physically and mentally.  Change and newness can be scary but I know for a fact that there is nothing more rewarding. 

I'm fine, how are you?

         obey: you are programmed, so what are you going to do?

this is me

i found this and it describes me perfectly:

Moon children are highly sensitive with a clear sense of self-definition and a strong feeling that they need to make a significant difference in the world. They are empathic and can easily detect or are in tune with the thoughts of others, and are naturally drawn to matters concerning mysteries, spirituality, the paranormal and the occult, while opposing unquestioned authority and contradictory to convention. They are also said to feel a strong sense of entitlement. Some beliefs hold that they are often labeled with the psychiatric diagnoses of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and also Autism, and that they become unsociable when not around other Moon Children. They are also believed to be prone to depression and sleep disorders such as insomnia and persistent nightmares

I guess my heart was made for breaking

where to begin about this one? I'm sitting here tonight with heavy thoughts on my mind about trust, love and heartbreak.  I feel like those three things come in that particular order in life and are pretty much inevitable. But, why if we experience them so much do we continue to subject ourselves to the pain and misery involved in trusting and loving? I can't for the life of me figure out why we as humans feel that we need to trust everyone around us so much. In most relationships, trust is central to the silent power struggle that eventually becomes the means to an end.  So why don't we call it falling into heartbreak instead of falling in love? 

say goodbye

The transitions of life are strange. Saying goodbye is hard to do and it's bittersweet. These things I know are true but what makes them so strange and hard to place? I can pretty much tell that this is a universal feeling that most people experience. Or maybe I think too much... Either way life is good, but it's full of so many twists, turns and blunt endings that seem to come out of nowhere. The weirdest feeling in the world is thinking you might not ever see someone again. It's hard to imagine that you can share intense moments with a person and divulge your innermost self to them with the possibility of never seeing or talking to them again. It also makes it hard to trust people when they seem to go in and out of your life often. I guess this is a common occurrence for most people and I'm not the only one who feels deserted or ignored sometimes. Some days you are good friends with people and the next, those same "good friends" could alienate you at the drop of a hat. "They" always say that you can learn something from everything you go through... well what do I learn from this? Not to open up to people or to trust them? Learn not to share a sense of humanity with any random stranger? You be the judge.