a fly on the wall

   Sometimes I feel as though I am living other people's lives.  Or even that I am a fixture in the lives of others. I'm Just an accessory to some extent. For example, right now I am basically living with an engaged couple.  I see their comings and goings.  I watch and hear them in passing but rarely communicate with them verbally.  It is so strange to not matter to the people that you live with.  I pay my rent on time and address them briefly. Essentially, it wouldn't make any difference to them if I was there or not. Thats the part that feels so weird.  I am also a nanny for a family with three little girls. I enjoy my job and I love the kids, but it can be a strange job sometimes.  I feel like a spy of sorts.  The kids say things they probably shouldn't repeat. Sometimes the parents complain about each other to me, talk about awkward.  Again, I'm a fixture.  I see their life and help them live it by taking care of their children and running their errands.  When I'm not at home or at work I crave being important.  Not just an extra in contrast to someone else's starring role. Someone in the background watching other people go about their daily lives.  I find myself just wanting to talk and be heard. It is written on our very beings to have the need to be important to people.  It's hard to realize the true nature of humanity until you are deprived of it.