alone but not lonely

Hello Blog-o-sphere! I know it's been a while since you've heard from me and as I have been getting requests from my loyal readers I figured it's time for an entry.  I have taken most of the summer off from writing, and yes I feel a void in my life from it.  I know that when school starts up in a few short weeks I will be writing a ton again due to the fact that I am taking journalism feature writing, I work for the newspaper and I have this blog. So why not get back to it and let myself warm up before I get totally inundated, and all of my good ideas have become stagnant and over-wrought.  By nature I am someone that loves to be around people, loves to talk and generally seeks outside stimuli in my life. But this summer has brought about a different sort of lifestyle than I am naturally comfortable with, but has challenged me and grown me as a person.  This summer I have spent a tremendous amount of time alone.  Being that most of my friends and my sister have been busy traveling around and I have been in greensboro all summer.  Time alone really allows you to see what kind of person you are.  It allows you to see what you do with spare time (ex: reading vs. TV watching), how well you know yourself and how comfortable and secure you are in just being you.  I have learned that it is not a bad thing to sit alone in a coffee shop and read or to spend an evening at home drawing and watching a movie.  Not bad at all and rather the opposite.  Our culture in particular, puts such an emphasis on being paired up or in groups that people get the feeling that aloneness is negative or somehow pitiful.  I personally have realized that I am me no matter who i am with and I no longer fear being alone. This is a huge step and one that I am proud to exhibit. I hope everyone out there is lucky enough to have an extended amount of time to spend alone and to really get to know who they are and be secure in that.  After all, how do we evolve and learn things if we don't get away from our comfort zone?

caught in suspension

so you've heard people say time and time again to "live in the present."  Don't look back on the past and don't dwell on the future. But what does that really mean anyway? To me personally it is impossible not to look at the past. Isn't life about learning from our past mistakes and victories and living as a result of those implications? There is no way to change what has happened and you will never really forget.  It's kind of like when you say something inappropriate. You can't make it go away, you just have to deal with it and most likely it will affect your conversation.  Conversely, I can't just block out the question mark in my mind that represents the future.  What is the present? Is it the exact second, day, week, or era that you are in right now?  With no exact definition, it leads me to believe that there is indeed no such thing as the present.  Everything we do is the past at some point and also the future because it determines what will happen next. The only real way we could be in the "present" is if we could suspend the passage of time.  We cannot freeze time so we need to make the best of our lives which are made up of what we just did and what we are about to do.  

sleep through the static

mmm sleep sounds really good to me right now as I lay awake at night listening to the loud laughter and bass coming from my neighbor's apartment. Sleep. You want it when you can't have it, some can never get enough, and some don't ever get to sleep.  I think that the idea of sleep brings with it some very interesting thoughts.  Sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep at night I get these deep, introspective feelings and thoughts running through my head. I start to think about how short this life is and what will happen when I die. (not in a morbid way)  To me, sleep is the cousin of death. It is the one time when we completely lose control over what we are doing and we  slip into this "other-worldly" state of being.  I think that is what dying probably feels like, it doesn't hurt, it just comes naturally and no one can really describe it. I also  think that sleeping and depression could be linked because when someone is sad and depressed about their life, the only really way to escape it other than chemically, is to sleep through it. Sleep is very valuable to me personally. I have never been one of those people to pull an all nighter or to run on less than six hours. And I have been known to sleep in until the late afternoon. Nope, nothing can come between me and my precious sleep, not even an exam or major project.  I have missed many-a morning class and appointment because of sleep.  I even prefer to sleep in style, with cute sheets and sleep masks. All this talk of sleep makes me tired! I think I'll go get some now! Goodnight ; )

sweet summertime

The summer sits in front of me now like a long stretch of open road with little excitement up ahead. Maybe  a few quickly passing trees or roadside signs.  Oh the road signs of life. They would read something like this. "reduce speed for 10 o'clock classes ahead." or "beware of no jobs in the area," or even "quiet days and nights up ahead." Yup, those are my road signs for the summer in front of me now.  Not to be a debby downer, I just feel like this summer holds nothing particularly special. I'm not taking any exciting trips or adventures and I have to take summer school, so it's not going to feel like much of a break.  I get to experience the mundane of the day to day lifestyle. I guess the mundane is beautiful in it's own way. Like most things It's just a matter of perspective. The main thing I am dealing with now is, how do I get excited about what this summer holds for me? With the future is uncertainty, and uncertainty equals possibility. And possibilities are always intriguing aren't they? I am looking forward to a change of perspective, new classes, new jobs and new people, and with that comes a new day to day life.  So there, I already feel a little better about it than when I first started writing. I will keep you posted on how it all unfolds... 

the gift of precious time

Here is a thought that has been on my mind lately, and since I have this wonderful blog, the perfect venue to tell my inner-most thoughts, here goes. What in the world is more important than caring for the people in your life? I think this bears the need for repeating... what in the world is more important than people? Seems like a dumb question right? Well surprisingly enough there are a lot of people out there that don't subscribe to this belief.  People nowadays are consumed with advancing themselves professionally and personally while losing sight of what is really important in life, and that is relationships.  Maybe this is on my mind right now because I'm in college. College is one of the most selfish times in a person's life.  College students are there to better themselves, they don't have children or many responsibilities so they don't have to think about others lives I suppose.  Now, I'm not saying to spend every waking minute with your friends and family. No, just some of your time is all.  I think the most true cliche' I've ever heard is this: Life is short.  Life is far too short to be stressed out about school and the day to day. Life is too short to not be there for the people that need your support and love.  

gotta defend my reality tv

So I have to come clean, I am somewhat of a reality tv addict.  Lately I have been really into the series real housewives of new york city. Sounds horrible right? yes, while it may sound so terribly shallow and lowly, it does provide interesting social insight into a crowd I would never know existed in new york. It is somewhat anthropological if you will.  I find that our culture's recent obsession with reality tv is not only a result of the writers strike but speaks volumes about where our interests lie and what people are craving to watch nowadays.  While some reality shows are purely awful, (i.e. rock of love or flavor of love... virtually any with "love" in the title) others are very interesting and truly give the viewer a look into another lifestyle or educate viewers on real life situations. There is something undeniably alluring about uncut unscripted life.  The sitcoms and tv shows that show the perfect nuclear family are a thing of the past and have become somewhat archaic in our ever-changing society today.  People no longer want to see the perfect family going about their perfect lives.  People want to see life on the other side and the way real families and individuals function, or rather dis-function.  Yes, I'll admit reality is entertaining to watch, and more often than not these shows make you feel better about your own reality. And thats a good enough reason to watch if you ask me...

words like rain drops that never hit the ground