words like rain drops that never hit the ground

out of reach

As I am awake late at night watching the graduate on AMC I cannot help but think about the concept of the forbidden fruit. With it's quirky 60s music and strange camera angles on the beautiful, and graceful Mrs. Robinson it is evident that there is something undeniably alluring about the forbidden.  Whether it's that one thing you can't have, or that elusive goal or idea you know you could never act on.  Whatever it is for you, it is attractive because it's unknown or simply out of reach.  There are so many social standards and rules that our society has created in which we must live our lives within. This is just a part of life I suppose.  Sometimes though, the repression can just be too much to handle.  Often times in reality the forbidden isn't as great as it seems when it's up on that high shelf out of reach.  But who's to say you can't find out for yourself.  As a rule (yet again more rules...)  as long as you don't hurt people in the process, I think it might be a good idea to explore that top shelf.    After all if Benjamin was never with Mrs. Robinson then maybe he wouldn't have met or been as entranced by Elaine... who knows?

the rules were meant to be broken... right?

So this week I have found myself wondering, how can I push the limits?  I mean, were the rules meant to be broken, or meant to be followed? I guess this depends on the rule and the individual's perspective.  Sometimes there is a thrill involved in testing the limits, but more importantly sometimes you just need to experience life and it's consequences for yourself. Even if that means making mistakes and pushing the set standards. This idea can be put into actions as well as in thought and in the questioning of age old traditions.  If you don't question and push the boundaries of what you have always been told, then how do you know that something is true.  I have made mistakes, like any other person and, like any other person I have figured out that I am not invincible. A painful experience, but true and necessary in life.  I have also had doubts and questions, like any other person. All I am saying is I just think that people need to push life to it's limits sometimes to figure it out. I am so much better and wiser than I have been in the past and I am thankful that finally the blinders are off of my eyes. 

I feel home

"There's no place like home, there's no place like home" said Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz as she clicked her shoes together and wished to be there. Even if home sucks, like Kansas, it is home none the less. Home. Even the mere utterance of the word conjures up emotions and feelings of security, familiarity and refuge.  I have been lucky enough to move every year of my college career. I have found many new experiences and feelings associated with the word home over the past few years as well, not all good ones. (haha) Home is an interesting idea and raises some thought provoking questions. Is it the place where you were born, the place you spent your childhood or the place you live now? Right now home to me is my family house in Pittsboro, NC.  It's where I go to get away from life, a place where time stands still and I can be bored, but most of all it's a place where I can be me.  I hope that someday, sooner rather than later, I can find another place that feels home.  So we've all heard the adage, home is where the heart is. I would say this is true.  Home is not just the place we lay our heads down at night, it is the place where we should be able to let our hair down, and to feel refuge and peace.  Yes, those positive feelings towards home during college have been elusive for years, but maybe they won't always be. 

what a noble profession. what... a noble profession?

As I sat at lunch with my friends today, we talked about our futures (dare I say a popular topic these days) and what we would like to do for the rest of our lives.  One friend wants to work for fair trade businesses. Another is going to teach English to immigrant children. There was also a peace corps volunteer mixed in with a side of missionary work to developing countries.  So, apparently I keep incredible company.  But where does all of that leave me? I piped in " My goal is to be a lowly cultural commentary writer and columnist. "  Which leads me to the question on my mind now: is it okay to devote one's life to a job that doesn't necessarily change lives or benefit the world in a huge and noble way?  Sure, I may get the opportunity to inspire people with my writing. But for the most part, people will  read my articles (I hope) laugh a little to themselves, be entertained or interested for a few minutes and then put the paper down and move on with their life.  Don't get me wrong I would love to be a prize winning journalist someday or get an incredible opportunity to travel the world and write about it.  But what if that never happens?  I may never get to work for the Times or USA today.  Now, obviously these questions cannot be answered tonight.  But they lead to a bigger question concerning careers and time spent.  We do not have long on this earth, so should we devote what little time we have to making the world a better place?  I guess that depends on our perspective.  I know the only person judging my career path is myself, but naturally, I am my biggest critic.  At the end of the day I think it's most important to like what you did with that day.  Maybe my career will change some body's life or maybe it will just make someone think a little harder or get a laugh that day.  Either way I am a writer and writing will be my life's work. I can't imagine it any other way, so I guess there's my answer, right?

a fly on the wall

   Sometimes I feel as though I am living other people's lives.  Or even that I am a fixture in the lives of others. I'm Just an accessory to some extent. For example, right now I am basically living with an engaged couple.  I see their comings and goings.  I watch and hear them in passing but rarely communicate with them verbally.  It is so strange to not matter to the people that you live with.  I pay my rent on time and address them briefly. Essentially, it wouldn't make any difference to them if I was there or not. Thats the part that feels so weird.  I am also a nanny for a family with three little girls. I enjoy my job and I love the kids, but it can be a strange job sometimes.  I feel like a spy of sorts.  The kids say things they probably shouldn't repeat. Sometimes the parents complain about each other to me, talk about awkward.  Again, I'm a fixture.  I see their life and help them live it by taking care of their children and running their errands.  When I'm not at home or at work I crave being important.  Not just an extra in contrast to someone else's starring role. Someone in the background watching other people go about their daily lives.  I find myself just wanting to talk and be heard. It is written on our very beings to have the need to be important to people.  It's hard to realize the true nature of humanity until you are deprived of it.

   

seeing the world through red rimmed glasses

   I used to walk down the halls of my highschool and not know who I was waving at.  People would ask me why I didn't say hey to them that day.  It was all because I was too embarassed to wear my glasses.  I needed them to see but I didn't want to mess up my face or distract from my eyes.  Glasses have been percieved to be for smart, and/or nerdy people.  Back then I was not secure enough to admit to my nerdyness.  However, one day my freshman year of college I decided to finally wear my glasses.  It happened for a combination of different reasons.  First of all, I got sick of not seeing the world. Second, I wanted to be taken more seriously by people.  The number of catcalls has drastically reduced upon wearing glasses. I hate to say that they demand more respect, but they do.  Since then my glasses have become a part of my identity and an extension of who I am.  It is strange that there are stereotypes and feelings that go with things as small and as insignificant as glasses.  I know how I look with them on and I feel confident in my intelligence, not because of them alone, but maybe with the help of them.