short thoughts

Eyes glazed with judgement thanklessly peirce my flesh and strip me down to a mere skeleton. The commonality that is supposed to unite a species is gone. The smacking of their lips and the disgusting film on their teeth move around in tandem motion as they chomp on their gum and engage in pointless, vapid banter. Clocks are ticking on great walls somewhere. In the offices that control the world crucial work is taking place, bells are ringing, all the while they have no part in this. Eyes dart back at me as though they are trying to hate me, hate me with a smile or a laugh. They try to hate me with sureptitious comments and failed attempts at small talk. Songs from top 40 radio station are the soundtracks to their lives.

mm hmm a new day is here

As I look outside it is somewhat dreary and few patches of snow remain on rooftops and on car hoods. But a streak of sunlight is starting to break through the dark clouds. This is perfect for a monumental day in history like today. The icy, harsh cold is beginning to melt away and spurts of green grass can be seen by all who believe in hope, change, and rebirth.  My heart is full of joy and most of all, hope for the change that is to come. After hearing the oratory masterpiece that was the obama inaugural address, I have a renewed, unwavering belief in him as a leader and in what he can bring to the bleak American landscape. I can't wait to actually believe in our government and what it stands for, and that can only be done through change and the abandonment of the old corrupt capital hill ways. I don't need to review the speech because it speaks for itself. The looks on people's faces in the crowds are enough, and the feeling of peace that unites america right now is more than enough.  Today is a day to be proud.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." -Obama

Today...

- I realize that I want more people in my life that can teach me 

old&new

Today Coral and I went to chapel hill to visit our dear friend Laura and browse some of the cool vintage shops over there. I ended up getting an adorable vintage 70's sheath dress at this deck store called roulette (def a must visit!) The owner was explaining to me that the dress had most likely never been worn. It got me thinking about the 30 odd years the dress had been stashed away in someone's closet and all of the things that have happened in the world since.  Two particular ideas hit me here: 1.) don't stuff yourself and your beautiful talents away for no one to see. Also, 2.) It's never too late to get out there and show your stuff... I mean who could have guessed that this hidden gem of a dress would be discovered over thirty years later by a young person excited to wear it and bring it back to life? There are not only second chances but third and fourth ones too! Every time I see my dress I'm going to try and remember this, as I need to be reminded often to get out there and share myself with the world. 

today Im feeling like...

- it feels darn good to be back in greensboro (no offense to pboro)

-  i love seeing friends that i haven't seen in a while 

- i think I'm going to be okay

- reading someone's journal is a window into their soul and there is soooo much to be learned from other's experiences (right now it's the unabridged journals of sylvia plath)

- grad school might not be out of my reach

- it's nice to talk to friendly strangers 

...So what are you feeling like today?

short thoughts: life as we know it

getting a haircut

sewing a button on

going to the dentist

washing socks

getting married

polishing floors

pulling weeds

having children

scratching an itch

changing a tire

death.

short thoughts

I step into a room brimming with people and eyes vibrant with expression. Eyes don't see me scanning right past my silhouette. Recoiling in one cursory backwards motion I remove myself from the room. The four walls stand and the people laugh and banter the same way they did before I ever walked in. I light a cigarette and begin the trudge homeward, my heels clicking on the pavement as if to keep time. This is what invisible feels like.

short thoughts

rays break in between my curtains 

making my eyes squint without my permission.

the weight is tactile

heavy and pressing down on my shoulders like dreams of getting buried alive.

I hear him tell me how happy he is 

again and again.

still unreachable heights, unsaid words, they all hang there, I can see them like lifeless clothes soon to be occupied by thankless wearers.

it is not right.

cheers to the new year

New years does bring with it some good thoughts and a certain degree of trepidation as well. When thinking about the new year, I can't help but reflect on the past year and make my new resolutions taking into account the things that did not work for me last year.  The past year has been a difficult one to say the least... pain and desperation were feelings all to familiar to me.  But I do believe that I have learned a great many lessons and also gained a well earned and realistic outlook on life.  Even though a new calendar year is just a human created system for time, it is a great tool for the individual self and an almost fictional rebirth that is given to everyone. So take advantage of this rebirth and leave what pain you can in the past.  Do what you believe is right and what fulfills the longings of your heart. If you are doing these things I believe goodness and blessings will find you. Cheers to 2009!